


Lance's Journal(s)

by ReaderRose



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Character Study, Diary/Journal, Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Gen, Original Character Death(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:50:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 20,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21517756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReaderRose/pseuds/ReaderRose
Summary: This probably isn't of interest to you.
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So. I want to eventually write a longer story about my dnd character Lance, if i never get to play him again and get him a better ending... but I wanted to post what I've got. Unfortunately, it's really not going to make any sense to you, and its going to miss a lot. I updated this as we were going and when I had time. Some entries are very short entirely because I was busy that week. Others are long because I was able to catch up. 
> 
> Anyway, i'm not gonna add context or anything. I just want to post it and have it somewhere.

# Entry 1

The ocean isn’t what I expected it to be. I was excited for the adventure of it all but it's just a lot of waiting around, mostly. I should have brought some books. The constant rocking back and forth made me sick, and the other occupants of the ship made me sicker. ~~I do really like them, though! There's this one curious little frog guy and a really kindly (if odd) tortle and this amazingly skilled tiefling fighter, and I think we made a very good team, even if I'm a bit of a weak link in the chain. I hope to continue working with them for a while! We can maybe~~ We should be heading back to shore soon, and hopefully I will get what I came for and be done with this city. There may be some complications, however.

I’ve been having dreams. I haven’t had any in years, obviously, so I don’t think they were natural, and they didn’t seem to be sent by you. Someone may be trying to contact me. I’m listening, cautiously. The figures in the dream seem to be reptilian in nature, and I float before them in a void of starlight. When I try to speak, it distorts and ripples, and I can’t hear what they say. I don't know what it all means.

It may (or may not) be related to a man named Grigor who has been scrawling messages in Deep Speech that, from my reading, may indicate a connection to a being of the Far Realms. I’m sure our meddling was discovered, but I’m not sure I need to act on this. Doesn’t seem like a rival to our cause, but also doesn’t strike me as an ally. I’m going to pretend I can’t read what was written, if confronted.

The mission that I am taking part in did originally succeed in locating the artifact we intended to find, however it was impossible to locate again after the skirmish. It had been in the hands of some sort of hideous sea witch. Thank you again for your blessing. It was a boon in a time of need. I thought I might die without your aid. ~~It still feels really weird. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.~~

The artifact may have been stolen by the masked man we found near the location. A bit of a frustrating conversationalist, but he had seemed harmless. Maybe we should have struck him down before the rest of the fighting started? I'm not sure we made the right call. Leaving him as we did may have jeopardized the mission. ~~I was the one who had been tasked with dealing with him and he just didn't seem dangerous… I don't know if I made a mistake in trusting him to be there. Well, I mean, results speak for themselves, right? It was the wrong call. It had to be. No one else would have stolen it, right? I trus~~

Regardless of the results of this mission, I will stay on task with my quest. I wanted to convince them that I was someone to be trusted and earn my access into the library, but I can always find other ways in. I'm just disappointed that this mission proved a waste of time.

Hopefully we will sail back to shore soon. It's still raining. An interesting phenomenon at first, but I'm growing rather tired of it. It seems sort of funny to say, but... I really miss the sunshine.

* * *

  
  


: **TO DO:**

  *     * -Figure out what to do with these gross cannonballs I swiped
    * -Learn more about Grigor
    * -Try to learn more about sailing and the sea
    * -GET INTO LIBRARY
  * **Tortle**
    * \- Name- Tonic? Tonk? Tonga? 
    * \- Likes: eels, fishing, cooking, spices, calling people boy
    * \- Dislikes: ?
    * \- Kind but kind of creepy. 
    * \- I think he trusts me? That's weird. 
    * \- Seems to be some sort of religious healer type. Probably shouldn't trust him. 
    * \- …I kind of do though?
  * **Grung**
    * \- Name: Gulfer? Golfer? Gulper? 
    * \- Likes: scat, secrets, knowledge, magic
    * \- Dislikes: lying? Being bitten
    * \- Curious and talkative
    * \- Trusted me with Grigor's secrets
    * \- I told him half orcs change colors so I'm going to keep it up
    * \- Doesn't have a family…
  * **Thalia** (Tiefling) 
    * \- Likes: glaives, sparring, magic, hippogriffs
    * \- Dislikes: ?
    * \- Amazing fighter, incredibly cool
    * \- Takes the lead on interrogations
    * \- Haven't gotten to talk to her much yet




	2. Chapter 2

#  Entry 2

I just fought some kind of skeleton knight on a firey hellish steed while a magical winged elf who fell from the sky next to our boat tried to play a ballad by violin to… convince him to stop being evil? I guess? All the same while, a swirling black sandstorm spiraled around our ship. 

So. That happened.

I thought maybe it was here at your behalf, for a moment. The sandstorm at sea thing… it definitely seemed like your style, but it became clear that I was looking for signs that didn’t exist ~~,~~ ~~ and I don’t think your storms are ever so pow ~~

_**WE FOUND THE RING!** _

I should have started with that! That’s important! Well, I’m not sure I can say that I “found” it. It turned out Thalia (the tiefling fighter) was the one who took it, not the masked man, and she shared this with me. I sort of missed the “why” of the story, but as I’d already resigned myself to a failed mission anyway, I agreed to help her. It seemed like the artifact might be worth getting closer to, and if nothing else, I heard a rumor that Thalia has connections to the kingdom’s underworld, and that would probably be a powerful asset to have. 

...I realize I was planning to set sail soon, so it wouldn’t be that handy, but… I think I’ve had enough time on the seas for the time being. There may be more to learn attached to this kingdom and the Crown, and if I manage to stay in good graces, perhaps I can find something valuable to the both of us.

I didn’t learn any more about the dreams yet, but I did learn more about my fellow warlock. He’s the ship’s doctor, and he’s a huge jerk. I don’t like him at all, and he attacked  ~~ my friend ~~ a seemingly innocent frog person who I have been associating with. I did my best to thwart him at every turn… though I admit, it isn’t because of his goals. It’s more because of who I am as a person. The frustrating thing is that the people in charge here seem to heavily favor him. He hurt my fr ~~ ie ~~ oggish coworker, but it was his word that was believed. He was allowed to remain free as the grung was tied to a mast and interrogated. Every time I tried to plead with the truth and called for logic and fairness with these people, it seemed to fall on deaf ears… but any glib little lie he told seemed successful, and I found similar success in the same. I hate to bring it up, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s his humanity that’s earned him all this undeserved goodwill. And maybe the only reason I got through at all is because I’m half human. I think I’d rather believe they’re all just idiots, though. 

But it couldn’t be more obvious to me that Golper (the frog) is innocent and at least somewhat trustworthy, and after he was cleared of having the ring he was still treated so poorly… I know it’s ridiculous but I can't help but want to protect him.  ~~ He reminds me so much of me just a few years ago right before you made you made me that offer, and I don’t enjoy seeing him treated like some kind of criminal when he’s just a little kid who didn’t even do anything wrong. ~~ It can only prove beneficial to have someone so gullible's loyalty, and he seems to be very capable in other ways. After all, if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have been brought onto this mission. Given the amount of bias against him, his credentials must have been extraordinary. He seems like a good person to keep on my side for the time being.

The tortle falls into that same category. He’s not as easily manipulated, I don’t think, but he is prone to a singular focus for his suspicions and for the time being that focus isn’t me. Clerics always make me uneasy… but he and Kazaht spent a few hours together and he seemed to enjoy his companionship, so I’m at least hopeful that he’ll tolerate me and my machinations if we do form some sort of team. And even though I don't want him anywhere near my food, I like him and his company, and his skillset seems very useful going forward, if we do continue to work together. Plus, the fact that he hates Grigor just as much as I do warms my heart.

And then there's Thalia. She took the ring, but given that she didn't use it, and allowed me to examine it, and told those of us she trusts about it, I doubt the line we're being fed that the artifact's grasp corrupted her. The artifact is very capable of corrupting its user, don't get me wrong. That seems to be the main thing about it. But I don't think proximity alone is what it takes. Actually using the ring and asking too much of it seems to be the trigger. Thalia wanted the ring for her own reasons, and she seems to be in over her head. I won't let myself get dragged down for her sake, but whatever I can do to get her out of this without implicating myself, I will do. I might even help her get the ring back, though I don't think I like the idea of her giving it to her father, especially if her father is what the rumors say he is. I'm not sure a mafia boss is pure enough of heart (or practiced in restraint enough) to get away with using the artifact, mind intact. 

…I wonder what the limits of the ring's power is. I panicked at first when I identified it and it was within my grasp and the possibility of it all was right there in front of me, but…. now that it's being “officially recovered” I can't help but wonder what else it does besides what we've seen. I discounted it being capable of doing what i want, so not worth the risk, but…

~~ Asking for what I want is probably too much, right? Or maybe it would be fast and simple. I'm not planning to control the minds of ten thousand fish or something. I'm looking for a singular change. That can't be that much. Or I don't even have to have it in the way that I originally sought, really. It doesn't seem like too much. It would be fast and simple and then I could go home again and be done with this all and finally I could…  ~~

~~ Actually, maybe that's too simple. Solving all my problems at once is a lot to ask. And if I lose myself in the process, it doesn't actually solve anything. ~~

But I am curious. I'm always curious.

* * *

  * **The Artifact**
    * -Pink gemstone ring
      * -sought out by masked servant of some sort of god of night
      * -sought out by skeleton on flaming horse (Mr. God of Night? (Didn't seem very godly))
      * -sought out by pretty magical winged elf?
      * -sought out by Oathkeepers on behalf of the Crown
      * -sought out by Thalia's mafia father
  * **What I know:**
    * -Seeks a specific location
    * -Seeks a specific true weilder
    * -Contains the power of love (what?)
    * -Corrupts any who are not the true owner or pure of heart
    * -Can possibly siphon off some power without falling prey 
  * **Tonk**
    * \- Can make boxes
    * \- Hates Grigor (Great!)
    * \- Open to helping Thalia 
  * **Golper**
    * \- Had a fight with Grigor 
    * \- Accused of having or stealing or seeking the ring (complete bullshit)
      * \--- Treated way too harshly by crew
  * **Thalia**
    * \- Planned to give her father the ring
    * \- Got off really lightly for taking it (good)
    * \- Seems in over her head 
  * **Weird Pretty Angel Elf**
    * \- plays banjo
    * \- says the spooky skeleton is actually good
    * \- did you see how cool her wings were?
  * **Spooky Skeleton**
    * \- Pretty elf says he's good and I believe her
    * \- Asked nicely for the ring all things considered
    * \- Did you see how cool his horse was???
  * **Grigor**
    * -bad



  * **TO DO**
    * \- Seriously what am I going to do with these cannonballs?
    * \- Get crossbow back from Golper
    * \- Check up on Lawrence
    * \- Participate in chess tournament
    * \- GET INTO LIBRARY 
  * **The Oathkeepers**
    * \- "No one is beyond redemption"
    * \- Group who hired us
    * \- Lead(?) by Saint Muriel
    * \- Urza, Lawrence are members
    * \- Not bad for paladins? 




	3. Chapter 3

#  Tome Entry 3.1

We made it back to the city! There were no more incidents on the way back, thankfully. Well, Golper stole the tentacle that Grigor the other warlock keeps in a jar, and ate it, but that wasn't an incident. It was just amusing. He seems to be cursed now from it, but that doesn't seem like the worst of results he could have gotten from that meal. We'll see how it develops. 

We received a ticket of transportation from the Oathkeepers as payment. I may have joked about it to the others who were dissatisfied, but it actually does seem like a useful prize, and more importantly, I was able to gain my first access into the library. Unfortunately the information I found on my primary goal was mostly what I already know, just sort of reinforcement of the usual legends. It's fine. I'll be back. I suspect there is more to be gained there. It's disappointing that I didn't get to spend all day and then some there, but it's okay. 

It is an amazing library though. I really want to go back. 

Unfortunately it will be a little while. 

According to Tonk, there is another artifact in a temple in the eye of the storm. I volunteered to help him recover it. I've been paid 100 gold up front, which doesn't seem like fair compensation for this, but we will soon see how things fare. The mission sounds dangerous, so we'll be contacting the Oathkeepers soon to see if they have any way of getting us closer to the storm. Hopefully I can convince them to do me a favor. Unlike the others I am mostly in good standing. 

Meanwhile, there were some interesting developments last night. We had been visiting a tavern when a group of merrow attacked local villagers and pulled them under the waves. We weren't able to rescue any of the villagers, but we did kill what seemed to be a leader. I don't know that that helped anyone, but we did receive a free night's stay at the tavern. 

While I was there, and after a night of drinking — not my normal affair, I know! But I wanted to blend in! — I had another dream, and this time, the face changed, and I was able to speak with the figure. He wanted me to rescue him. 

~~ It didn't ~~

~~ I wanted to do that inst ~~

~~ I feel ba ~~

~~ Someone contacted me of all people and shouldn't I  ~~

~~ I just ~~

The current mission is more important, and easier to justify. You wanted me to do this, right? The other journey would be longer, and take us into places unknown. And there didn't seem to be any real worth in it.

But if the ale helps with the dreams, I'll keep drinking and dreaming and see if there is anything to be gained from rescuing the psychic. Hopefully he can hold on for a while if so. 

Hopefully this next mission will be as short and fast as possible. I don't really like the idea of spending too much time marching around in the muck. 

I think we'll be fine, though. 

* * *

#  Tome Entry 3.2

WE WEREN'T FINE. 

I messed up. I really messed up. 

There was a dragon, a black dragon. It came and wanted to be entertained but I'm not very funny I tried to do an impression of Urza but I guess you had to be there and it wasn't very funny and it was pretty mean and that was the idea because I figured that's what a black dragon would like and We were on an airship. Right. And I didn't want it to hurt anyone so I did a little thing, but it didn't work. And then she attacked the balloon and the airship started to crash and I was able to keep Thalia and Tonk safe, but I thought Golper had a plan. I don't know why I thought that. That was stupid. I should have figured out how to save him too. And the pilot. And Urza. Why did Urza even come? I don't know why she was there just for the ride. That was so stupid. I should have talked her into staying back. We didn't even want her there. She's probably dead. She took off her armor. That was stupid. I was so mean to her just minutes before it all went wrong And now we're in this stupid jungle with all the slime and everything is terrifying and gross and we haven't found Golper yet. He's probably dead. We're trying to find the ship but I don't know if we can. 

I don't know what I'm doing. If you have any advice, I would be eternally grateful, as always. I'm normally quite a bit more optimistic, but it's been a long day. And it's going to be a long few days. I'm so sorry.  ~~ I'm really upset ~~ I don't know what to do. I hope at least one of them survived but I'm finding it difficult to imagine that scenario. 

Tonk's spell is cast we're moving forward please respond if you can thank you 

* * *

**The response on this page has since faded.**

* * *

#  Tome Entry 3.3

_ [There is a large section of the paper that is heavily crossed and scribbled out many times over. It’s illegible.] _

Thank You For Your Response I Will Respond Later When I Am In A Less Emotional Volatile State Of Mind 

Thank You For Your Wisdom As Always I Will Look Into What You Have Instructed Me 

This Is Fine 

Thank You So Much

-Your Faithful Servant 

* * *

  * **Golper**
    * \- Cursed
    * \- Probably dead : ( 
  * **Tonk**
    * \- Heard from god that theres an artifact in the storm
    * \- gave me 100 gp
      * (I should have taken it and ran) 
  * **Thalia**
    * \- Has a really nice family (per Kazaht)
    * \- fined
  * **Hush(?)**
    * \- Reptile face? Wood elf? Something else?
    * \- Needs rescuing
    * \- Wants me to go someplace the sun doesn't shine
    * \- Whats in it for me? 
  * **Taesiff the Bonemelter**
    * \- I probably can't kill a dragon... can I? 
  * **Urza**
    * \- Probably dead 
    * \- I was really mean to her right before...
  * **Roger**
    * \- I don't feel as bad about this one
  * **Merrows**
    * \- I thought they were drowning people
    * \- actually they're just turning them into more merrows
    * \- maybe thats fine?
  * **The Wilds**
    * \- the worst place i've ever been
    * \- i REFUSE to die in a pile of slime 




	4. Chapter 4

#  Tome Entry 4.1

I did what you said. I let the catfish take  ~~ Tonk ~~ the cleric. I followed your sage advice and was spared. You were correct that it would happen. You’re so wise! Thank you for helping me. I am incredibly grateful. I’m very pleased with the results, as I still have the others to use as assets and leverage later. They are assets, so it is very important not to shed them blindly. I even picked up a new one to replace the old one, because I don’t care about what happened to the tortle. And I even have the 100 gold he gave me. What a fool. Things are going great. You can rest easy, and focus your attention elsewhere.

You were so correct in advising this line of action. Things worked out in our favor, just as you planned. 

Eternally in gratitude to your ~~wisdom~~ ~~thoughtfulness~~ all-encompassing foresight and awe-inspiring sagacity

-Your servant, forever 

* * *

> _[A makeshift journal has been put together from the faded pages of an old religious textbook, long rotted away. Pages from various other books are loosely bound together. It's functional. It's not magic. That's what makes it perfect for the job.]_

#  Diary Entry I - (Week 4)

I think I have enough spare paper from these old books I looted to keep this journal going for a while, and I can always get more paper later. (I hope I can at least!) This stuff is pretty ruined, but it’s all I’ve got without destroying anything that’s still serving a function. 

Wow, that feels like some sort of heavy handed metaphor!

Anyway, hi, new journal! I’m Lance! I'm 19 years old ((as of next week)) and I'm a warlock!

I don’t know that keeping you is the best idea in the world, but… in the past few years, it’s turned into a habit for me to write everything I'm thinking down. And if I keep you safe and hidden, it should be okay! Maybe this will only be temporary, but I feel a little better just having you here. 

It might also be silly for me to write to you like you’re some kind of person and not just a pile of spare paper, but old habits are hard to break and this one is actually kind of fun when there isn't  **actually** someone on the other end judging every pen stroke. And since no one else is going to read this, I'll let myself be as silly as i want to be, and I'll start by saying thank you for listening to me. It's really nice being able to write freely! Though that lack of pages is worth keeping in mind. I'll try to make these brief, but at least for this first entry, I have a lot on my mind.

You see… 

I have no idea what I'm doing. 

My patron asks a lot of me, and I've always been willing to go along with it before. Unquestioningly. I had no stake in anything else. At least in theory, it didn't matter to me if I watched the world burn, as long as I got what I wanted from the arrangement. And I only wanted one thing. But I don't feel right lately! At first I thought I was just being ridiculous. After all, I like my current travel companions a fair bit, but compared to what my patron grants me, their friendship is less than nothing. I'm not even sure it counts as a friendship, really. I've known them for roughly a week, and it has been, objectively speaking, the worst week of my life. 

Still, it’s kind of weird... I'm covered in slime, I'm low on rations, everything is wet and sticky and gross and a lot of things want to kill me. And most of all, I am certain I've displeased my patron. But I've been dealing with it! Not well, I'll admit, but I expected things like this would be the immediate end of me. And it wasn't! I guess I've just gotten a taste of what it feels like to make my own choices, and even if they've all been awful decisions, I still feel good about having made them. I think that's what I was always craving, back in the temple, at least part of it. I like being independant, and it’s enough that I’m actually considering a break from my patron, or at least, reconsidering the terms?

Actually, what

Oh wow that's another page down already. Okay, I could definitely fill this entire book and four more on the things I'm currently struggling with, but I think for now, I'm going to settle for a list of the most pressing concerns I have besides whatever my current crisis of faith is:

1) My  ~~friend quest giver~~ friend, Tonk, is missing. He was dragged under by a monstrosity and taken away. He's kind of awful. He puts stuff in my food, he plays terrible music, he eats eels (raw!) and shits on the floor, and he's a cleric worst of all, but he's a good person with a clever mind and a kind heart and that's so weird for me to see and accept as genuine, but you can't help but feel it just by being around him. He defies a lot of the things I was raised to assume about the world. He just wants to help his family! And in turn, I want to help him. I want to rescue him, and I want to fulfill his quest. Maybe I can only do one of those things, but it would feel a lot better doing one than doing none of them.

2) The artifacts. I'm curious about them. Honestly, I want one. I don't know what i would do with it; I just want it. I don't even want to use it! I'm too scared to even consider that. But I feel like I'm at the mercy of these things, and if I had one, I could resist them better. I could learn about them, and I could have the peace of mind that, at least for one of them, no one would be using it to rain slime on my head but me. And I wouldn't do that. So I would be safe from all slime. Okay, joking aside, I wouldn't feel safe having one, but I would feel safe **r.**

3) The dreams I’ve been having. Apparently someone was kidnapped and is looking for help, and contacted me through my dreams. I wanted to help, but the temple he showed me looks an awful lot like my own, and now I wonder if this is some kind of trap. Or if I should help at all. I probably shouldn’t, right? I don’t want to get involved in that. But I’ve noticed lately that I have a terrible habit of wanting to help people when they ask me to, and it’s a sobering thought that someone in need reached out into the world, seeking someone's help, and what they got was me. I hate ignoring this. Sobering as it is, I don’t want to ignore this. So sobering I will not, I guess. (It’s a joke; I’ll explain it later)

4) My little frog friend Golper is so jaded now : (

5) We found a blinded knight, and I’ve been helping him around. I like him, but I’m worried he’ll throw off my plan to take the artifact and keep it. I’m not going to hurt him or anything, and I’m not leaving him out here in this hellscape, either. I’m just not sure what to do with him that won’t get in the way. I don't know why I keep making things so complicated for myself.

6) I don't know the details, but Urza is alive and mad at us. She should be! But I hate knowing that someone thinks I'm some kind of asshole who made fun of her in her final hour and left her to die. I'm not like that! Okay I guess I am like that, but I don't want people to think I'm like that! I don't want to be like that? I don't know! I hope she'll forgive us. Maybe I shouldn't push that whole thing, though. I've been really running my mouth lately without much gain. I need to be smarter about it. I just panic! I'm going to try to be better about it. 

7) Thalia being so willing to leave behind Tonk and this mission was… really upsetting, actually. Trying not to look too heavily into it, though. Things have been hard, and Kazaht tells me her family is lovely and of course she would want to go back to them. I don't even know why it bothers me. 100 gold isn't worth this mess, and Tonk might just be dead, in spirit if not in flesh, but… I don't know. It's bothering me. But I'm glad she's still on board for now. She's cool. 

8) Speaking of Kazaht… maybe this is stupid, but I really hope he doesn’t leave if I do upset my patron. He’s my best friend! And he was a gift from my mentor, and they didn't really want much to do with me anymore, so having him has always been a little bittersweet, but I think without my little pal, I would be left without the "sweet" part of that. 

...

Okay I think I need to deal with one crisis at a time and not give myself another one. I do not have the paper for it. I'm fact, I'm probably going to have to tear up another book before the next entry. 

Thanks for listening, diary. I think i feel better having written all this down. And it was nice not censoring myself for a bit! I usually love lying and deception, but it's been more stressful than fun recently. I have a lot to figure out! Hopefully, by the time I get back to you, I'll have worked up the nerve to send my patron a letter, and I'll have saved my friend and gotten an artifact. 

Sincerely, 

Lance

* * *

#  Tome Entry 4.2

So! I am exploring some exciting new avenues for gathering power for you, my liege. I think it will go really well, and really benefit you!

I know you wanted the artifacts to be out there in the winds, but if they just stay in the same hands, things just fall into structures and patterns. Chaos is all about change, right? Broken bonds, and violent upheavals. 

That fish has already taken dominion over the wilds. It’s too easy for him; there’s no conflict there. Even the dragons are no match for him. Even you, though surely it was only by a slip of the page, and not your true and wise intent, seemed (only seemed!) to cower before his power in your words. And I know this was not your intent, to phrase it in such a way, but if I, as your servant, am to only cower and allow a creature such as that to hold mercy over me, that would imply that I am powerless, and by extension, that you are powerless. 

Obviously, that isn’t true. You’re far more powerful than a fish. Much like the skeleton, the creature is nothing but pretender to your own power. 

And I know that you did not intend to imply any less. I know that sometimes the common mortal languages fail to hold true to the nuance of your endless knowledge. (And I am humbled every day by the lack of comprehension I have of your own native tongue, though I realize I am still unworthy of knowledge of Abyssal in your eyes.) This is a fault of mine and of the language, not of you, but it would be an embarrassment to you if another, more foolish being were to make that mistake. You would of course immediately prove them wrong with all your might, but you do not deserve to suffer even a moment in a world where your dominion is doubted. 

So that’s why I am going to steal the artifact and kill the fish. To prove how powerful you are.

In fact, I feel that this wisdom is so advanced, it must have come directly from you. The sand was a clue that I was on the correct path. How incredible! Thank you for this wisdom you have given me, and this mission. I’ll be sure to follow it to the letter. 

To ensure that all goes according to plan, I will not be checking in until the mission you have given me is complete. I’ll be keeping the book in my bag, and sealed. Our enemies don’t deserve to even catch a glimpse of the boon you have given me.

Thanks again, great idea. I’ll do it all in your name. Bye!

\- Your very very very very faithful underling


	5. Chapter 5

#  Diary Entry II- (Week 5)

I made a bit of a tactical error.


	6. Chapter 6

# Diary Entry III- (Week? 6?)

Hey diary!

Wow, I feel sort of bad about abandoning you like that. I sort of dumped the old pack in my room back at the other Crown and forgot about it… and forgot about you! I’m sorry! 

It’s weird reading those old entries. It’s been a long time. …Well, sort of. I don’t really feel any older, and I’m sort of scared to look at myself without the mask on, so I don’t know if I look it. My 19th birthday was actually great! My friend threw a huge party and I can almost remember it! 

I… don't really know what to talk about yet. I'm still feeling disoriented from being back. Doesn't feel real, you know? I met back up with Golper, but other than that things feel very different than the way they used to. 

I'll write more later! I'll fix you up and get you filled with stories, don't worry! In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy every second of my night in this fancy hotel before something else finds a way to leak slime on me. 

-Sincerely, Lance 

* * *

**Golper**

  * \- Thinks I went on a bender? Is that what you call what happened? It must be...
  * \- Has chimera heads, but I don't think anyone will believe us that they're chimera heads and not just 3 different animals
  * \- still my friend after all this time!



**The Feywild**

  * \- Apparently I've only been gone 2 weeks???




	7. Chapter 7

# Diary Entry IV - (Noteworthy Moment #7)

Dear Diary:

Everything is going great! Well, I mean! It will be! Once we get out of this house and back into town! Which will happen! And will be very easy! And then my head will be uncursed. Oh by the way my head is cursed and I'm mutating into something horrible. But it's fine!!! It'll be fixed very easily! And then I will be fine and normal again very soon! Easy easy easy peasy! I will be okay! Everything will be okay! 

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....FUCK!

\- Lance


	8. Chapter 8

# Diary Entry V - ("Week" 8)

> _[THIS JOURNAL IS CURRENTLY MADE OF STONE] _


	9. Chapter 9

# Diary Entry VI - (Point In Time 9)

Dear Diary,

It’s been a really rough week. I think. Maybe it was longer. I’m not sure. I was stone for most of it. It was a hard time for me.

Heh. Yeah, still not funny. Not even a little bit. 

I still need to work on the jokes thing. It’s pretty… cultural? I guess? I let out a little bit of my normal sense of humor after all the stuff that happened (normally I try to be a little more restrained but I wasn’t exactly feeling as in control of myself as normal), and my travel companions didn’t seem to think it was as hilarious as I did. 

But it was such a great idea, though!!! Giving someone a frog-time-bomb that turns into an angry dragon! That would be amazing! It would rip him to shreds, but imagine the look on his face! I just kept visualizing it and giggling to myself but um. I guess it is… kind of mean. And irresponsible. And dangerous. And it is my fault that peaches are turning into dragons and trying to claim small towns. I guess I get why it wasn’t that funny. ~~It was still pretty funny though.~~

Right, I think I’ve skipped over a lot of details. Sorry. It’s really hard to keep you up to date on all my messes. I’ll try to present the basics.  
We’re in Wildspire. Have I mentioned that yet? It’s a nice little town. Honestly, still a little more humid than I’m used to, and the guy at the tea shop gives me some major creeps (I’ll get back to that, there’s a lot to unpack, there), but it’s weird… I had this thought, you know, sitting on the deck of the tea shop overlooking the town, Kazaht around my neck, relaxing, talking with a friend, eavesdropping on really normal conversations… and I just had the thought that I wouldn’t mind moving to a little place just like this. I never thought about not going back home, before. And Tanza was nice, and the Crown is really amazing - both versions! - but everything since leaving home has felt temporary until now. I don’t know if it should. I probably won’t be welcomed back home anymore, but I think in my head it’s still felt like all of this was just a detour and I would get back on track, even though… the more I think about it, the less I like my old plans, anyway. 

~~I mean, I still sort of do want some of it? But the rest is just~~

Okay, let's put a pin in all that and get back to the plot, okay? I can revisit my existential crisises at a later date!

Anyway, me and Golper and our new travel partner Fiona have been inducted into this adventurer's guild. I’m honestly so curious about it, but I assume I can’t just poke around for hours without being officially “in.” There’s some sort of teleportation involved in all of it. It definitely doesn’t seem to be in Dagrana, and given the name, I think it might be on the moon? That sounds so strange to put into words, but I am fascinated by it!  
We were sent to Wildspire through them to deal with some gnoll attacks along the roads (we’re going to work on that tomorrow), and people being killed by flying creatures. The flying creatures turned out to be a part of a nice-house-turned-giant-doom-maze situation and were these weird cursed bat things that turn you into one of them by kissing you. I found this out because the cursed bat things that turn you into one of them by kissing you tried to turn me into one of them by kissing me. So that was unpleasant, just, all over. Mostly my head, but also kind of my soul, too. And then I ended up with an ice allergy? Which wasn’t great because my armor is usually cased in ice so it was all itchy and chafing and also I was mutating into a hideous beast and kind of thought I was going to die and it’s a long story but I did salvage a lot of nice shirts from the labyrinth of misery and also a cool quarterstaff? Well I say it’s a quarterstaff but I guess its kind of like an actual human’s arm bone? I don’t really know why I am okay with this. 

Oh and I also turned to stone. And while I was stone Hush was guilt tripping me for not coming to rescue him which I mean, I get it, but also? I don’t… want to go home yet. And also I was literally a statue in the attic of witch. It was cool though? She’s really pretty and she only took some of my money and then asked for another grand.  
Okay actually I need to sleep none of this is making sense. This is kind of all the same day to me and I think maybe I’ve just emotionally short circuited at this point because I somehow left out almost dying because I tried to help someone and the giant bone snake that cursed me and the peach that turned into a dragon that turned into a frog that turned back into a dragon or how apparently someone tried to kidnap my friend or how i was almost turned into a snake or how the guy at the tea shop took my shirt off and then later on he thought i was a different guy and we had a big fight and also i might have been poisoned by him? Oh and the fight was really really embarassing and Fiona had to drag me out of there and

BY THE WAY! Fiona is really nice! I like her a lot! She has a hippogriff named Quicksilver, and she knitted me a hat while i was a statue! It’s green! And she broke up the fight with that Tavvy guy which is good because I was planning to punch him in the face next, which… I probably wouldn’t show my face anywhere ever again if I did that. I’m usually better about not blowing up at people. People don’t like big angry orcs but thats exactly what I was in the moment! I need to avoid that disguise for a while! It’s! A self fulfilling prophecy I guess! I don’t like it! I need to try to make sure I don’t let the ol temper start leaking all over the place while I’m trying to be charming and diplomatic.

But to be fair, again, all of this was basically the same 24 hours from my perspective, and I had just been cursed and poisoned. Probably by the guy I wanted to punch. And in the end, all I did was yell and push in a chair really loudly. And if he is poisoning people he probably deserves to be punched, at the very least. Probably executed? (I don’t know if there’s an in-between option.)

Anyway Fiona really helped me out and is really nice and I wanna thank her for it but the lavender tea she likes is probably poisoned, so I don’t know any way I can actually thank her. I’ll try to think of something. 

Maybe once I finally get a long rest I’ll be able to think of something. It’s been a long, long day.

Goodnight, Journal  
-Love Lance

* * *

**TO DO LIST**

  * **ANNIE**
    * Drum up 1000gp for Annie and some connections in Tanza or the Crown for her Alchemy Shop
    * Show Annie "Sickening Radiance" spell
    * hit up Annie for rituals spells next time we're in Wildspire 
  * **Fiona**
    * Do something nice for Fiona for all her recent help and because she's nice to me 
      * maybe get her lavender tea from the city and purify it first
      * or something for Quicksilver (what's good for a hippogriff???)
      * Oh! Or find some Pegasus lore when i head to the library!!! 
  * **Golper**
    * -Do something nice for Golper Moldruss the Toad, PI for being my friend for so long 
      * the only thing i can think of is more arrows or murdering that Mudder guy for him
      * sort of lame gifts actually so maybe I'll find him a cool book instead
      * I'll think on it!!! 
  * **LANEY**
    * I guess Laney is coming with us so i can maybe take her out drinking as a welcome 
      * i wish we were going to Tanza so i could get some of the stuff from that guy who we gave the merrow head to but nevermind for now 
  * **Ba'utu**
    * -Maybe I'll pick up something nice for Bautu since i thought she was suspicious and we're meeting her later
    * -but i don't know anything about her so nvm 



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh good! i didn't mean to submit but i did! great!


	10. Chapter 10

# Diary Entry VII -1 - (This would be 10.1)

_(Also should that be VII-I or...? you know what this is good)_

Hey diary! 

About to settle in for the night but i don't want to fall behind like i have been! This is fun, but so much keeps happening and then i get overwhelmed. I want to keep up the habit! It's funny, actually, this is really nice even though it's something i sort of picked up during darker times, but now that those things are behind me I actually really enjoying writing to you!

So, we'll probably be leaving Wildspire soon.

I'm really going to miss it, honestly. It's such a nice town, giant bones aside, death mazes aside, poisonings aside, people trying to kidnap my friends aside, people kidnapping me aside! (It was fine don't worry!)... It's just really nice here, and since leaving ~~home~~ the temple, its been the first place that's really felt like somewhere i would want to stay in the long-term. 

The only problem is i have no idea what the long term looks like anymore. I'm a little anxious about it, i won't lie! But things as an adventurer (I can't believe I'm calling myself that) have been exciting! And today was a really, really good day.

So, i mentioned i was kidnapped, and that's true. It was sort of accidental. See, the four‡ of us took out a cart to lure in the gnoll attacks so that we could get more information and solve the problem. And predictably, they attacked. I didn't want to attack, because from what i can tell, they're just stealing supplies, not hurting people. I dunno if this is going to be a hard and fast rule for me or not, but i guess I don't see any reason to hurt people who aren't hurting others. So i just tried to listen as they looted the cart, see if maybe i could pick up some clues, but instead i was the one who got picked up! I think they thought i was some kind of tarp because i had my blanket wrapped around me while i was hiding in a barrel. 

By the way! Whoever convinced me to do that!? Golper Moldrus is half my size, so of course he was cool with it, but I'm 6'1"! Its a barrel! I was actually really happy the attack hit so fast!!! I was getting cramps in my legs. ~~I originally wanted to jog behind the cart but nooo Moldrus the Toad, PI, had to remind me that the woods often contain spiders. I'm not even scared of spiders! But i don't like the big ones and i don't like webs in my face so i~~

Right, kidnapping. So i was kidnapped. Totally cool. I was good on spells, and i felt like whatever happened, i could at least get some discussions going with their leadership. I know 5 languages. They had to know at least one of them, right? Turns out: no, actually. 

(I wonder how hard it would be to learn some basics in gnoll? I don't think it'll come up much but i always imagined it would sound like Goblin, but actually it's incredibly distinct! I think it sounds really cool!) 

But while i was there i scoped the place out. It was nice for a cave. Kinda reminded me of home? But in a weird way, not just because it was dark and subterranean and deeply hierarchical. I don't remember anyone ever making cookies at the temple. I don't think anyone would, but the smell of them was so familiar. 

~~I think my mom used to make cookies?~~

Anyway, they weren't super hostile towards me. They tied me up a little, but it wasn't even that tight. Fiona came to rescue me ( she's so nice! ) But they were all worried about her attacking them or doing something funny and i guess they wanted a prisoner exchange (didn't realize that at the time) so i started trying to get us both out of there. And then everything went wrong when i tried to get too close to her (to dimension door us out of there) and then suddenly Fiona is getting flung into the lake! But then she climbed out of the lake and suplexed that one into the lake! And then she tried to get to me but one guy tackled me and i wasted too much time trying to get him off so i could bridge the gap! But then in the meantime one guy goes over and tries to toss Fiona in the lake. But she's too strong and pushes him back, and then the next guy tries! And neither was just like a single shove, they kept trying it like 3 times in a row! And each time Fiona just stood her ground! And then a third guy tried but he fails and gives up almost immediately and then by the time that was over i was laughing so hard i could barely get the incantation out of my mouth. It was probably the best thing I've ever witnessed!

I wish i was a better writer, because that, my friend, was poetry in action.

But anyway, once we were out of there, it turned out the other two‡ had caught the gnolls' matron, and brokered a great trade deal between them and the village. So, even though we had a bit of fighting and a bit of excitement, we ended up fixing the problem without anyone getting seriously hurt.

And that feels… you know, when i was a kid i used to read my little books and dream about the idea of being this big hero out in the world who saves the day and no one has to die, not even the bad guys, and that everyone can do better, and i can help! I can show everyone how to be nice and get along! 

And then I grew up, and I realized that isn't how the world works.

But… Not only did it happen this time, but it ended better than it began. I'm definitely not the big hero of the story. That's probably Fiona. And Moldrus. But i guess maybe i helped? At the very least, i was there for it. And feels really nice. More than nice, actually, it feels fantastic! I'm thrilled! 

I'm maybe a little sad i didn't get a cookie, but maybe next time I'm in town I'll ask for one! Oh! Since we might be headed back to The Crown, maybe I'll head up to the library, check out a few books on the Gnoll language, enough to say a few key phrases, like introductions and pleases and thank yous. I'd really like that. And I'll pick up some nice flour or an apron to trade for it. (You know. Once I have money.)

But that's not all that happened. The rest of the day went well too. I won't get into too much detail, but i got the OK from Maple to investigate and purify the tea shop's store of supplies once she went in and detected several poisoned boxes. I found stamps on the bottoms of the packages, made a chart to cross reference for later, then purified the stock besides a single box we kept to study and investigate. I'll admit, I kind of had to get talked into doing things this way. I still sort of wanted to maybe beat up Tavvy. I still do not trust him. I'm a little freaked out by how disappointed i am i didn't get to punch him. I'm not even good at punching! But either way, I feel really good about this resolution. No one else is going to get sick in Wildspire, and i helped make that happen. I dunno if i can express enough just how weirdly happy I am about that. 

And to top things off, it seems like Peaches has moved on. I was advocating fighting him because i didn't want the town's only patrol to get killed when he heard they were off after him, but… I'm glad we didn't have to kill him. He's just a baby! I'm kind of happy he gets to go have a life somewhere. Hopefully somewhere very, very unpopulated, or somewhere where the people deserve to be eaten.

This is running kind of long, so ill just add the rest of my day in shorter detail:

  * We met two strange travelers who claimed to be archeologists. I got a weird vibe from them. Was really hoping the big guy (a white dragonborn!!! How cool is that???) would talk, because i wanted to try having that as a disguise in the future. But it's okay, i enjoyed listening to the elf girl talk on the topic. Didn't recognize the name she gave me, and don't remember it now. Petunia and Boone? Something like that. I'll ask the others if they caught it. 
  * We discovered something might be up in the town of Starloft. Ba'utu is already headed there. We're going Crownside first, i think, but then we're probably going to meet up with her. I feel bad about being suspicious of her now, so I'm hoping maybe i can pick her something up, like a little potted bamboo plant or something. (I dunno what else she's into besides bamboo. Kazaht says that's the only thing she's into.)
  * Annie and I got to have a real conversation now that we weren't in the weird situation with the quests and the petrification. She and i talked about magic and theory for a bit and i think we hit it off. Definitely gonna try to get her that grand to invest in her shop.



  * ‡ And finally, we sort of picked up a new party member. **Laney** , I think? She and i didn't get to talk much. Actually, when we met, i thought she was dead or in the process of getting there. But she's pretty interesting. Really into drinking, which is cool. I guess. Actually, watching her kind of makes me a little less interested in drinking, overall. I do not want to ever sleep in the dirt. But she also seems like she's having a great time so i guess maybe i wouldn't mind just like… trying to get on her level for a night in The Crown, you know? Even though i was only doing it experimentally for the Hush stuff, I kinda miss my nightcaps. So that might be fun! 



(Speaking of Hush I kind of hope he doesn't come calling tonight. I don't need the guilt trip after a great day. It's not gonna get me past the desert and beyond the sunrise any faster)

Anyway, gonna switch into my pajamas i stole from whatever dead guy was living in that mansion before it turned into that labyrinth of misfortunes. 

Goodnight and sleep tight, journal! Things are finally feeling good again!!!!

**\- Love, Lance**

* * *

# Diary Entry VII - 2

~~Dear journal holy shit i can't sleep see i was going to sleep and then there was this buzzing and i was like what is that there someone in my closet and you know Arcade knows I'm in town so i thought it was him and that would have been like a welcome thing but he doesn't buzz but that was my first thought and i wasn't really looking forward to showing him how blankets work again or whatever but it was like cool because everything was cool because i was just feeling really good but it wasn't Arcade diary it wasn't arcade at all it was this fiend and I'm freaking out and i feel like i just got slapped in the face by reality and i don't know what to do because i agreed to his deal and Im really scared and i hate that i did that and i feel weird and dirty and it just kind of struck me hard with this big reminder about a lot of things that i was kind of purposefully forgetting but the thing is what he's offering me is still everything i want and i even want it more now knowing that for all intents and purposes i don't have a soul anymore but he wants me to k~~

> _[The rest of the page is scribbled out and completely illegible. Several more pages have been ripped from the book.]_

* * *

# Diary Entry VII - 3

My vacation is over.

I finally was able to sleep last night. I was in a bit of a panic for a while. But i thought about it. A lot. And now I've calmed myself down. 

Let me explain this situation. Rationally. 

I was contacted by an individual who has sought me out for some contract work, based on my reputation and credentials. This particular task is not exactly my line of work, past or present, but the promised payment is too good to pass up without heavy consideration. Of course, knowing what i know about clients like these, consideration is something you can do only after you make the agreement. Because i don't think "no" would have been a safe or sufficient answer.

And i am not sure i could have ever said no. As i said, the promised payment is too good. This individual deals in a valuable currency. And the more i think about it, the job is relatively simple, for the stated reward. And frankly, if i hadn't made that mistake a while back, I would probably be doing jobs like this right now anyway. And its only one job. Just one, and the transaction is complete. 

I like that. 

It isn't something i can involve the others in. That's okay. I can do this on my own. I've been alone for a long time before this.

This is **my** job. 

I don't trust Laney. I don't know her. She's not my friend. Maybe she will be. Or maybe she won't. It doesn't matter what the future holds. What matters is the present, and i don't trust her. Golper or Moldrus or whatever name he wants to use today will ask too many questions, and i don't want to answer any of them. I need to think of a good lie that will keep him out of the situation, because i may be good at lying, but he's also very sharp at catching them. And Fiona absolutely cannot know and cannot be involved. Not in any capacity. I would never make her be a party to it. I like her far too much do this to her. 

I will have to do some work to gauge the difficulty of my task, and there does seem to be some room for counterplay, after thinking about it for half the night. But I'm not sure that that would get me what i want. What I need. And this client knows exactly what I want. I thought I would have to forget about it, until this happened. Now the option is back on the table. I need to do this.

…I do feel strange. Uncomfortable. I feel like i just slipped right back into my old vestments but they don't fit anymore. Doesn't matter. I have a job to do. And it's just one job. And the others in the temple did this sort of thing all the time. Used to joke that I'd never be called to do it. That I couldn't. But I can do it.

I can do it. 

I have to do it. I made a deal. And i need that reward. If I'm quick, it will be quick. And if I'm quiet, no one ever has to know. 

This is fine. 

I can do this.

-Lance

* * *

**TO DO**

  * **-Get money to pay for stuff**
  * \- get information about next chess tournament 
  * **\- Murder Zozall Ezelbane**
    * Stop in and say hi to Osiris and Kiki if I See them? 
  * pick up some fun books! 
  * supplies???? 
  * ~~save up some cash??????~~
  * _**see if that 60gp tapestry is still in stock**_
  * buy more incense
  * buy more ink




	11. Chapter 11

# Diary Entry VIII / Would-be Entry 11 (this is getting annoying)

**Entry 11 - 1**

~~I had an opening tonight, but… i think the task is something i want to think on. I was hoping for a bit more… privacy, I guess. A chance to approach the designated target, maybe see if she had a counter bargain, or some sort of plan. I don't exactly feel comfortable with the fact that I'm so "known" by this client, and~~

Alright, let me just be straightforward with this. Why be vague?

There’s this woman a fiend asked me to murder. If I do, he’s going to tell me the secrets I’ve been looking for my entire adult life. You know, the reason I’ve systematically ruined my life multiple times and ended up penniless hitching rides and balloon fare off of a frog, instead of comfortable, content, and not in a constant state of panic back home? Yes, those secrets.

So I need to kill her. 

I can't just not do it. I have to either find a counter or kill her, and frankly, i don't see a way that talking to her doesn't end badly. I'm an expert in charms and manipulation. I'm a wonderful liar when i need to be. I can be anyone, if I try hard enough. That's just a fact. But I don't trust that someone in her position wouldn't be clever enough or careful enough to see through any ruse I have for her, and honestly, I don't do so well with just the truth. I'm scarier than i am persuasive, even, and I'm really not that scary.

If she's aware of the things she has dabbled in, I'm sure she's aware of a need to be paranoid, and if she isn't aware, what will my words do to help? I feel like this isn't a talking situation. This isn't a thing where everyone can win. And if i want to win, this woman has to lose. 

That's how the world works. 

I think i just need to come up with a plan. Here's what i know:

The front isn't exactly guarded, but it is very visible from the street, and delivery personnel are not allowed to reach the door. The package i saw delivered was brought to the gardeners to bring in to the inside, which seems to imply that guests and outsiders need to be vetted or kept at length. So appearing at the doorstep with any kind of mysterious package (a package of murder) is a no-go.

There's roughly 14 workers in the building from what I was about to see, and i have been given a layout of the interior. The butler seems to interact with her the most of what I've seen, though presumably she knows all of her workers well. She's well off, but the house only contains one bedroom, and very small area (potentially quarters) for the butler. 

There's one room on my map that's unmarked and rather large. I wish I had thought to investigate it before i left, but my let bird brain was at its capacity, so i didn't think about it. Either way, it seems more likely the unmarked room is where she's conducting her more private research than it seems like quarters for her staff. That's a complete assumption, but i figure whoever had access to the building to make this map either accessed it from public record (and i would assume servants' quarters would be included in those records) or it came from someone with active access to the house, and this particular area was off limits to them (in which case, servants quarters being inaccessible while her private bath was not seems unlikely.) Whatever this room’s use is, it is off the books. That might be relevant, or it might not.

All of this is to say, based on the information currently available to me, I've concluded that most of the staff does not live on the premises, besides the perhaps the butler. As much of the staff seemed to be kitchen or garden staff, i would hazard a guess that they are not present at night, or a reduced night staff is involved. 

So, if i do this, i do it at night. I don't want to hurt anyone, so the less people around, the better. And the higher chance of success. 

A few thoughts:

  1. Polymorphing the target and taking her from the house would probably involve the least amount of attention, especially if i disguised myself as a member of her staff while doing so. If i could do that, i could find an area to move her to that would make any sort of battle in my favor. The risk here is that i can't exactly retry if this spell fails me, and i would attract her attention. 
  2. Poison is an option. I can't believe I'm saying that. That's horrific. But, i know golper collects all sorts of poisons, and I'm not sure if he would give it to me, but I could maybe say i want it in case I'm ever in melee, as I am… not exactly good at that and could use the advantage. Maybe that would work? She drinks tea. I already know that's a powerful vector. And i didn't really taste the poison in the wine that Golper gave me. It tasted good, and it just made my mouth tingle a little. But i think i remember him saying that in some cases and in some people it cases unconsciousness and stiffening. That would be a really nice advantage. And if I could get the dosage right, it would stun her without killing her, and then I could deliver the killing blow myself, which is a lot less gruesome. 
  3. I'm worried about making this look like a murder. I mean, I'm not sure i can think of any way to do it that won't raise suspicions, but i would like to avoid a manhunt that points to me in any way. I have stuff i need to do in the Crown, and i don't want to hurt Fiona or Golper with their association with me. I'm good at copying people's handwriting? So i could just… 



Heh! This is really fucked up!!! I don't like that! 

Maybe if she's sleeping when i do it, it won't be so bad. She is old. She's lived a long life. Clearly she's achieved a lot of she can afford a place like this. She's a human. Her life has to have been easy. She's got her own private library. That's amazing! I just have a backpack full of books I mostly stole. She's had a happy life, i bet. A long one, as far as humans go. I mean, she's like what, 60? I'll be lucky if i reach 60. Hell, had my mom lived, she would probably be closer to death’s door than this woman, and she wouldn’t even be close to 60. 

She’s lived a good, long life. It’s time for it to end now, as it does for most people.

And if i do this, i might have a chance at a life like hers, someday. I'll have a lot of chances. I'll have so much time. One life, already lived out, against all the time i can have if i just do this one small thing. 

I know this would make Fiona sad. And i feel… well, at least today i lost my nerve, but I guess there’s still tomorrow.

She's going to die. And I'm going to live forever.

**-Signed, me, the warlock who's going to do a murder**

> _[A few other notes, plans, and notations are on the next page, including a copy of the map and various potential entry points and notes in different colored inks._
> 
> _There is a draft of some kind of letter scribbled out heavily]_

* * *

**Entry 11 - 2**

I don't want to write right now. I don't want to write ever again. 

Sorry. Bye.

-Lance

* * *

**Entry 11 - 3**

Okay sorry diary. I do want to ~~right~~ write, i just don't want this to be read later. It makes me feel better when i write. Its just hard today and its making me really sad. But still better then not writing. When I’m not writing i’m just kind of hitting my head off the wall wishing I knew what to do and I don’t know an awful lot about how brains work but some part of me thinks thats not a good helpful thing for a brain, so here I am again

My head hurts real bad and i can tell so many things aren't okay with me right now. I feel really bad. I think I'm stuck like this for now or for a long time and it makes me want to put my fist or my face through a wall thinking about it.

Its really embarrassing.

My head is all muddyed up and fuzzy. I don't think I'm like the dumbest person in the room or anything but i took some pretty bad hits to my usual ~~conitive~~ cognative abilities. Everything is confusing and weird. 

I got dragged to the temple to check but it costs too much to fix. 500gp is a LOT and even after all the quests and stuff we did the money isn't enough. It doesn't even really cover everything that went wrong with me to do them. I dont want to bother Maple and Annie with my problems. They already did a lot for very little for me. I don’t want to be the guy who always needs help on everything. I don’t want to be a burden. 

I just want to help.

I can still help like this. I hope. I hope my friends don't get mad and leave just because I'm not as good as i used to be.

If that happens maybe i’ll try to find a way back to the feywild and Arcade can fix it or at least find a new job for me. It’s nice there. Don’t have to worry about my problems there. I think if i get lucky i’ll just forget everything and everyone and stay there. 

That doesn’t fix my problems right now though.

I don’t know what to do. Fiona says we should help the flumfs and I feel bad we let them down, but I don’t want to die. And I don’t want fiona to die and I don’t want Golper to die. And I heard a lot of bad stories about mindflayers back home. They were in a lot of our books too (and they wrote a few of them, a few copies back. I copied a ton over) but i’m a little fuzzy on details right now. I know that they can be really really bad and dangerus. Especially together or in a big group. But even one mindflayer is really bad if you aren't really smart because they're good at killing people to eat their brains and they attack your brain with their brain and they’re really really smart. They’re scary. They enslave people and eat them and do a lot of real bad stuff to them. I can’t think of good examples right now but some people who sold their souls and joined my temple did it to get away from mindflayers, that’s how bad they are. Nym’s dad used to know a lot about mind flayers because he was one of those people. I wish I could ask him for advice now but he didn’t like to talk about it and Malolin probably doesn’t like me anymore anyway. And also he’s weeks away from here.

I didn’t like that place. 

The second we got there I wanted to go back, but then Fiona held my hand and I didn’t want to let her down. Kazaht almost got killed, too, and I lost one of my cannonballs…

Something in there made itself sound like Nym… I really miss her. That was really weird. I felt like someone stabbed me when I realized it wasn’t her. I’m scared to talk to her again after what happened but she sounded happy to hear me again when she was there. Only it wasn’t her. It was someone else just using her voice to trick me.

Golper got really mad when they did that to him, too, but it just made me really sad and homesick. I was always a little homesick but that really hit hard. Especally now that my head hurts so bad. 

(I killed the thing that hurt me, by the way. But that didn’t fix my head.)

Maybe leaving home was a bad idea. 

I was never this miserable at home. Actually until that day when I got really angry I was really happy there. I had a nice job. I was smart, and I did a good job and i got to read and write stuff all day and it was all so easy. There were problens but maybe I just didn’t try hard enough to fix them. I could of talked to Wehloyn and asked what happened and why they were so disappointed in me instead of avoiding them. And I could of seen all of Nym’s initiation and got to find out her new name. I could have been there and I should have because she was there for me so much from the time i was little and she didn’t have to be. 

Things at home were easier. No one ever told me to be good be good be good do good or risk my life to go save some people I don’t know. They would have told me i did the smart thing. There was no benefit for me, and no one would ever do that nice thing for me, because thats not how people work. They would laugh at me that I agreed to help at all. They wouldn’t be mad that I ran. They would say how smart I was for not getting hurt worse. They wouldn’t tell me it was my job to fix everything for people who aren’t even us.

They told me to do a lot of things but there weren’t so many options or weird rules. All the rules were easy to understand and deal with. I just didnt like them because I wanted more and I thought I was smarter than the things they thought I was good for. I wanted more out of life. But I’m not sure any of this counts as more and I can’t go home anymore because of all the “good” I tried to do. I made huge mistakes and no one would want me back, even if I said I was sorry. 

Last year if someone told me to kill a old lady I would just kill a old lady. It would be really easy and then I could go home and they would tell me i did a good job. And when I had my old pact I never felt all weird like this. I felt great. About everything I ever did. Especially stuff like that. And now I feel like I just feel bad or confused all the time and I don’t know the rules or how to make everyone happy with me.

If I stayed home I could have told Wehloyn that I l could of thanked them for all they did for me and I could ask why they didn’t like me anymore. And I could congratulate Nym on her initiation and see her do a good job in the inner circle. And we could still be friends. 

~~And I would have died eventually and they would all forget me eventually but at~~

I don’t remember what I was going to say. I don’t know why I’m being like this. I can't go home, and that's that. 

And if i never left, i never would have seen the sun or all the colors or make new friends or got to play the hero anymore. I'm just really sad right now. Being smart is the only thing i had going for me when i was younger before i made the pact and now i don't have that. I feel like I just keep losing things.

But i guess i still have my charms and my magic… 

Oh! And i have my plans. 

I wrote down a lot of ideas. Thank me for that, huh? This would be really hard to pull off feeling this way, but there were a lot of plans and ideas a few pages back. I'll just pick one and hope I didn’t completely lose the ability to think on my feet.

If i do a good job, Happy might have some ideas to help fix me. 

I know it'll cost something, but at least it won't be gold because i only have a little bit and everybody wants some.

**-LANCE**

PS: Whent to an Oathkeeper temple, and I saw Urza at the temple. I still want to talk to her… but the timing was bad and I want our talk to be private so I don’t feel like I have to put on a dumb show for everyone. And also i don't want to seem dumb to her and make her think i don't mean what I'm saying. There were too many people to have that conversation, espesially Fiona. And I tried to get golper to let me go to oathkeeper hq alone so i can find her but I couldn’t think of a good excuse so he said we all go together. So I guess we’re going together…

  
Oh well, with my plans i’m thinking about right now I would of lost my nerve to talk to her about what i wanted to talk about anyway. It would make me a ~~hipocrit hypokret hipnochit hippocrate~~

> _[There is a spot of ink on the page and several deep indents, clearly caused by someone stabbing the pen into the page repeatedly, spilling the ink]_


	12. Chapter 12

# entry whatever

Diary, I don't even know where to start. Going out drinking, I'll update in the morning if it turns out this wasn't some kind of weird dream

-Lance

* * *

**TO DO LIST**

~~\- Murder Zozell Ezelbane~~

~~\- Find out dates for the chess tournithing (but skip for now)~~

~~\- get drunk~~

~~\- buy a box~~

~~\- visit Osiris maybe?~~

~~\- fix head~~

~~\- get cannonball back from mindflayers~~

~~\- buy library card~~

~~\- get rich~~

~~\- give annie money~~

~~\- give maple money~~

~~\- give urza money~~

\- i dont know


	13. Chapter 13

# We're just going to go back to the old system.  
Let's call this Entry 13.

## Entry 13 - 1

Oof. Figured I would cringe as much as I just did rereading that last bit there. For the sake of novelty, I’m going to leave all the errors in. It’s not like this is some sort of academic work or anything, anyway. I’ve made plenty of mistakes before. Just… usually not so glaring.

Anyway, diary, we managed to find the 500 gold for the restoration. A lot happened in between that large entry and this one. You probably won’t believe me when I say this, but… I actually sort of didn’t want to get my head fixed. I was having an easy time dealing with things by not thinking about them! Honestly, it was a pretty good strategy. 

But I think right now, I should be thinking about this.

Here’s a rundown of what happened, and I’ll try to keep it as commentary-free as possible so that I can avoid going off on a tangent. Please keep in mind, my intellect was still freshly mangled as everything was happening, so it’s very possible I missed something:

We went to the Oathkeeper headquarters to report the problem in Underloft. ~~While we were there, Golper noticed that the guy taking our report sounded like Grigor, but… I don’t know. I didn’t pick up on that. Maybe it was the stupidity in play but I thought the guy seemed nice, if a bit wimpy, and Grigor isn’t either of those things.~~ While we were there, alarm bells started to ring throughout the city, and everyone was instantly in a panic. We saw Lord Abagor facing off against what looked like a lich. His name was Mezmeros and… I couldn’t follow the conversation. They were shouting at each other and all I could think was that it was going to be a really cool fight. I got the impression they were friends, once, but… maybe I was just projecting. 

~~It was strange. My first time seeing a lich outside of illustrations. He was really powerful. Really… cool, actually. But… I mean I wouldn’t destroy a city. I would ideally destroy as little as possible! Harm as little as possible, you know? One life? Every once in a while? A few souls? I get that. But a whole city for some weird revenge or something? “Illusions” or something? I would never do that. I wouldn’t. I wuss out killing an old lady and that’s something I need to work on, but… I wouldn’t destroy a whole settlement. That’s…~~

Okay, irrelevant. Forget all that. Anyway. 

I guess I spoiled what happened next. It turned out the lich in the street was not the real thing, and he was attacking the head misteress. We flew up to Halo to try to help and be a part of whatever was happening, and what we found was a bloodbath. There was a giant lady, apparently the Head Mistress. (Looking back, I think a storm giant, but I can’t say for certain. I couldn’t tell at the time.) She was dying, and we tried to enter the fight ~~(a paladin with us ended up dying. The Grigor voice guy. I feel bad, but what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t cast anything. I was an eagle)~~ but there wasn’t anything we could do, and once she was dead we decided to flee and try to rescue Fiona’s dad back at the farm and get to some kind of safety off of the floating city. 

But the winds picked up and I almost passed out and we entered some sort of strange void of inky darkness and starlight, pieces of Henin strewn all over the place. Fiona and Golper left to look for Fiona’s dad, and me and Laney searched through buildings. I wasn’t thinking straight, just running into buildings that probably weren’t safe, just running around like an idiot trying to spare the dying on anyone I saw who looked like they might be in any need of healing. I ended up finding a little girl, Eetie. I think her parents are dead, so I had her come along, even though I don’t know anything about kids. Wasn’t thinking.

And then I ran into Urza. And that was… weird. She hugged me, and said she was happy I was alive and she apologized to me. And I assumed a reunion with her would involve a lot of yelling and demands to pay for the ship and that’s sort of what I had prepared for, and after everything that happened, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t expect anyone to say any of that to me. I barely managed to hug her back in the shock of it all, and I forgot to tell her I was the one that was sorry. 

Anyway, Golper and Fiona met up with us. They didn’t find her dad. I’m not sure he made it. I don’t have enough information to even guess what happened to Laurel. All I know is that we didn’t find it. I really hope he’s okay. We tried to get the Golden Loon portal in the Marigold Plaza working in the hopes that we could use it to move the refugees into safety from whatever that place was that we were stranded in, but instead we ended up tearing open a wormhole and getting sucked inside: Me, Golper, Fiona, Quicksilver, Laney, Urza, and Eetie. 

We ended up in a bay, and in a city called Tanzanite. It seems like an alternate dimension, crazy as that sounds. It’s where Port Tanza should be, and its black as night even in the daytime. There was a festival, and everyone has familiars, and it was really cool! And when we got there, after everything that happened, the mindflayers and the wormhole and the city falling apart all in one day… I think it was too much for me and something snapped. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to think about any of it. So I went shopping. And then I went drinking, and partying, and I drank a lot. I almost kept up with Laney! And meanwhile, Fiona was upset and crying herself to sleep in the stables and I didn’t even volunteer to stay with her. ~~Some friend I am…~~

While I was out, we did meet a woman named… Eauxmeaux I think. I wrote it down at the time as “OMO” but I’m pretty sure that’s not right. She’s a gnome from out in the desert in a place called Oasis, and she was looking for someone to rescue her friend from what sounded a lot like the skeleton guy on the flaming horse. It sounded like a similar thread to other things we heard about back when reality made sense, so it was something to latch onto. Really didn’t want to come back here to the desert, but… I guess it’s not technically the same desert, so I guess it doesn’t really matter.

Anyway, Oasis is nice. We took a “train” here! 

Oh, and trains? Are awesome! They’re so fast! I was trying to figure out how they work the whole time, but I was only just sort of coming to an understanding when Golper passed out, and started… turning. He ended up even taller than me, and I should mention, I’m really tall! And Golper’s really small! Look:

> ###  _[a crude drawing of Lance standing between regular Golper and abomination Golper, demonstrating that Golper is supposed to be smol]_

Okay, so, anyway. I turned him into a regular frog. I was hoping to get him to someone who could help, but no one did. I asked a lot of people and no one offered to help. And we had to fight him when I couldn’t maintain the spell any longer. He turned back, mostly, but… I was worried sick. So when we got to Oasis, curing him was the #1 priority, but first we found a really cool magic shop. I’ll spare you 7 paragraphs of gushing about all of the stock and how sweet Ozmora is, but we sold some spell scrolls I can’t use, got some gold, and it was enough to cover healing for both of us. The town bartender is also the cleric, and she was great, fixed us both up, and fixed us up some great drinks, too. She’s awesome.

Because the mindflayer at the Golden Loon had mentioned Ozmora, we thought it was a good idea to try to catch him, talk to him, see if he remembered us, you know, get back where we’re supposed to be. But he was fucking worthless. I always heard about how horrible mindflayers are. I thought I wouldn’t judge this one though, you know? He’s not with a group of them, so maybe he’s alright. But he’s not. I could forgive the rudeness pretty easily; a lot of people are rude! And I could forgive the snobby way he holds having information above our heads! And frankly, even him not helping us get back isn’t a huge deal! I figured that would happen! But I told him about the Crown, and he didn’t even care. He said it didn’t matter. Not a big deal. Happens more often than I think? I mean, I expect people to not care about some little village full of little people in the middle of the badlands. No one’s ever heard of them, no one’s going to care when they get sick. I get it. 

But the crown wasn’t just a village! It wasn’t even just a city! It was full of important people, people with money and lives and jobs. People whose absence should matter. And it was full of important places and things. Libraries and books and knowledge and art and culture and now… I don’t know where it is. And I understand people in another dimension not caring, because they wouldn’t know about it. But Teks knows about the Crown. And he doesn’t care. 

I hate him.

Anyway, our only link back home is worthless and doesn’t want to help. I can only hope that someday I can choose not to help him with something that matters.

So, we’re heading out for the skeleton dude tomorrow. It’ll be a few days. I’m not too worried about the journey. I’ve crossed the desert before. Not a big deal. If there’s one benefit to my orcish heritage it’s that my people were made for traversing terrain like this. Piece of cake!

Hopefully the journey will be smooth and fun and the rescue mission easy and illuminating! I’m trying to have faith! It’ll all turn out well!

Somewhat Sincerely, 

Lance

* * *

**Fiona**

  * \- I think we're friends now
  * \- Having a hard time lately
  * \- I want to think of something to do for her or give her but I can't think of anything
  * \- I hope her dad is okay :(



**Golper**

  * \- He turned into a huge tentacled abomination and everyone wanted to kill him
    * but we fixed him!
  * \- Has been seeing visions in his sleep of some lady
    * Told her off and refused her help. Foolish!
    * Even if she was some kind of eldritch treachery why wouldn't you agree to that???
  * \- Still my friend
  * \- Didn't get his bow back :(
    * \--- I'm going to let him keep my crossbow even if he does
  * \- Back home he's being hunted by someone hired by a man claiming to be his father
    * \--- After what happened in the Underloft I'm pretty sure whatever he got out of was real bad 



**Laney**

  * \- here for a good time, not a long time
  * \- My drinking buddy!
  * \- she's got a lot of money
  * \- good sense of humor
  * \- She bought me a staff so we're big friends now



* * *

## Entry 13 - 2

The desert sucks. 

I technically lived in the desert my entire life, but it was underground and comfortable! Dark, yes. Confined, yes. But comfortable! I can’t believe my ancestors all lived out here in the desert sun. It’s exhausting and miserable. I can’t believe I could have ended up doing the same. I thought being an illiterate peasant would have been bad. Doing backbreaking work all day would have been bad. Not having magic would have been bad. But the heat! I never even factored in the heat! And honestly? I love sunshine. It’s great. It’s novel. It’s bright. I never knew there were so many colors in the world until I left home! But after being out here now, I sort of get why Siamocc wants to plunge the world into an endless darkness. It is so, so hot.

Do you see my sweat dripping onto the page? Disgusting. I’m so sorry.

Barely existing beneath the tyranny of the sun,

Lance 

* * *

  
  


## Entry 13-3

OH! You know what else is stupid?? There's this guy at the bar in the Oasis. Everyone's like "oooh look at him! he plays the banjo!" Banjos are the worst instrument. By far. They're just dumb, you know? They sound like a respectable instrument dying by intellector devourer. I know what that feels like and that's what the banjo sounds like. Or at least when that weird hipster Xango guy plays it that's what it sounds like. Dumb. I hate his glasses. I would look way cooler in glasses. I might need them. I think I might get some glasses, just to show the world what it looks like when a REAL cool half orc dude wears them. Yeah! I'm gonna! And I'll look really cool, and they'll all see me with my hurdy gurdy, and they'll go "Lance! Lance! Please perform for us! We need to hear your songs! Please yo're so cool!" But I'll turn them down because I'm SO COOL I don't even NEED to perform at some bar in the desert. I'm the coolest half oc around. I'm cool! I'm so cool!

God it's so hot........

-Lance, The Cool Guy 

* * *

## Entry 13-4

And what kind of a name is Xango? That’s not cool. Good for you, you put an X in there. Boring. Lame. Very bad. 

I don’t have anything else to say right now, I just think his name really sucks.

-Lance, with the melodious name

* * *

## Entry 13-5

Part of why the hurdy gurdy is such a sophisticated instrument is that it’s a smart instrument. You know? Refined. It’s got a lot of parts. You have to handle it with care. Any chump can learn a banjo but only a talented man with a careful hand can master the hurdy gurdy. I’m not a master yet, but just you wait. I will be.

-Lance, The Future Hurdy Gurdy King

* * *

## Entry 13-6

So, alternate universes, right? If the Crown doesn’t exist, but people like Foxglove do, this might be more of an alternate timeline than an entirely different world. Different histories, different developments. I haven’t seen a single airship, at least besides the thing we’ve been riding along in, but they have trains instead. I don’t remember ever hearing about Oasis back home, but here it’s an important place. Starloft still exists; I saw that on the train schedule. I wonder if Wildspire is the same. And I wonder if it’s in need the same way ours was. 

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about what that might mean for us, you know? Fiona’s lived on the Crown her whole life, if I remember correctly. Would her parents have met without the Crown? Or her dad’s parents? Maybe there’s a Fiona here who’s never flown. That’s a sad thought. Even sadder, there might not be one at all. Maybe Laney’s sober. Maybe Golper never left that place he came from. 

I wonder if I broke my pact here. If Foxglove and Skeleman are up to different things and the slime storm never happened, I don’t know that I would have hit that point where I was willing to defy my patron. Or maybe I didn’t even leave home. Or didn’t make the pact in the first place. Or maybe I never ended up at the Temple and I just died out with the rest of my family when the village got hit. Or maybe it never got hit at all…

There’s a lot of ways my life could have gone. A lot of horrible, horrible ways. And I dunno, I feel tired and sluggish and down and I just keep thinking about all this and...

What I’m getting at is: I don’t know a lot of half orcs. I know three, and one of them is me. So I’ve been thinking about the Oasis in geographic terms, based on a rough map of where I think my temple is in relationship to the map, the distances based on travel time from Tanza to the Oasis to Starloft and its relationship to Wildspire, recreating the maps I know and comparing them scientifically to the general locations here in this version of the world to the location of where the village Wehloyn told me about might have been. I had hoped by crunching the numbers I could disprove my sleeping mind’s errant hypothesis but instead I’ve been up for the past 6 hours and it still isn’t making any sense, because it adds up to a plausibility that I am deeply uncomfortable with.

What I’m saying is I had a terrible dream that Xango was this universe’s version of me and I want to die.

-Lance, the sole and only. 

**_SOLE AND ONLY! ! !_ **

* * *

**AMENDED TO DO LIST:**

\- Get rid of prayer book

\- Save Goji

\- Apologize to Urza

\- Get back to the real world

\- Find Fiona's Dad

\- Find Eetie's parents

\- Fix the Crown

\- Check in on Port Tanza, Thalia

\- Check in on Golden Loons

\- Go to Starloft

\- Fix the tea problem

\- Give BaUtu gift

\- Give Annie money

\- Give Maple money

\- Save the temple of Mokoma

\- Go home

\- Save Hush 

\- Save Temple

\- Give Nym cloak 

\- Become powerful undead lich and live for all of eternity

\- ???

\- Profit 


	14. Chapter 14

# Entry 14 (see how nice that is?)

I’m exhausted, so this one’s going to be short and probably bad. Sorry, diary, I’ll try harder next time.

So, we made it to the place. The bandits here are actually really nice. We played cards, and they’re going to let us stay the night, so thats nice. We just had to agree to check in our weapons and spellcasting implements and then we’d be put in a room in the back. Don’t worry, I’m not actually all that worried about it. We agreed to do something for them, and obviously we’ll need our supplies to actually do it, so it doesn’t make sense for them to backstab us here with our loot. They all seem smart enough to wait until after we help if they want to do anything. They'll try to kill us later, probably, but not yet. 

I mean, hopefully they won’t do that at all. I don’t know why I’m assuming it’s an inevitability. Maybe being jaded now is contagious. Or maybe I’m just sleepy… 

Arcade showed up. I wish I remembered the Feywild better because I have no idea if he’s an idiot or if he’s much, much smarter than me. Maybe it doesn't matter because either way i didn't get anything worthwhile out of him about the dimensional issue, and he didn't seem to care all that much. I can’t fault him too much I guess… I mean, he tries? And hell, my last patron would revel in the chaos of everything that happened, and maybe I would have, too. 

I don’t know when I started caring. Maybe I shouldn’t. 

~~ …Maybe I don’t? ~~

Actually, I am not going down the stupid existential rabbithole. I am tired and I want to sleep. It’s too late to spiral into dark thoughts and I need my beauty rest. My eyes are so beady right now that I’m starting to look like some guy who swings around a skull-club and calls himself Gleorge the Leorge and In Cheorge and it’s just not a good look, alright? I’ll be less moody in the morning, and if a medusa wants to stab me then at least I’ll look good dying.

Good night Diary! 

\--Lance the Pretty Normal


	15. Chapter 15

##  Entry 15 - 1

I burned my prayer book today. I thought it would feel a lot… bigger. You know? Maybe you don't. You probably don't. And don't worry! I'm not going to burn you, diary! You're my… oh no, I was going to say friend. I'm not that desperate, I swear! I mean, if you were sentient of course we would be friends. And if you are and i just don't know it, we are. But what i mean is you're special, and having you around makes me feel better, so i wouldn't burn you, even if some entries I've added to you make me cringe a little. Or a lot. Like right now! Let me start over.

I burned my prayer book today.

Was expecting it to feel better than it did… or feel worse, I don’t know. Didn’t feel much of anything in the end. Maybe it would have felt bigger if I didn’t know there were about two dozen other copies out there written by my hand alone. I have it all memorized, too, and I can’t burn that out.

After everything that’s happened, a tome about the thrills and glory of disaster and devastation just didn’t feel at home in my backpack anymore. There’s a lot of stuff in there that I’m only now starting to really understand was really… twisted. 

You know what was the most twisted, though? There were long stretches of it about the impacts of disaster, how everyone has to stop and stand and look upon the works of destruction and chaos. But that’s not true at all. An entire city can fall out of the sky, and no one even cares.

The fact that whatever's left of the book is now ruined and entombed in a lost civilization's derelict library is funny to me, though. That's something at least! And knowing that I don't have it anymore is a minor weight off my shoulders. Unfortunately i just put on a cool 20lb cloak right after so it's not that much of a weight off –sort of a net gain of weight on my shoulders, actually– but you get my point.

Still don't feel much of anything about it! But theoretically glad to be rid of it!

-Lance 

* * *

##  Entry 15 - 2

> ###  _ [a bunch of broad squiggles with a heavy hand are written in the page] _

Look! It's a diary entry in Giant Ape!!! Isn't that cool!? 

Okay I know it doesn't say anything because giant apes don't have language but it was an expression of my feelings at the time and my main feeling was "hey this is cool! I'm a giant ape and extremely strong and tall!" So that's what the scribbling says. 

Anyway back to packing. 

-Lance, tall and strong! 

* * *

##  Entry 15 - 3

Dear diary: 

So, we rescued Goji! I did not realize: he is a crystal ball. That's pretty neat. I'm not sure why Omo didn't tell us that. I was expecting him to be… i don't know. My mental image was Hush, honestly. I wonder how he ended up in a crystal ball… or I suppose, alternatively, how the crystal ball became a person, but that's a little less interesting. 

Never thought about plugging myself into an object before… That's an interesting thought. 

...Okay after conversations that the party has been having lately i feel required to disclaim that i don't mean it like a sex thing. No. 

Anyway. 

Golper is…  _ **jaded now.** _

I mean i was upset when it happened but after thinking about it it's actually hilarious! He'll be fine. I think that helps make it funny and not extremely upsetting! And I think I really need it to be funny so I'm glad it happened like it did if it was going to happen.

Golper looked right into a Medusa's eyes to convince her to trust him. That's really cool! I'm proud of him!

Let's see, what else? Oh. We fought a lot of bugs and helped out a family of scorpion folk. We found a lot of coinage and I rescued a bunch of books. I got one on Goblin poetry! I'm really excited to get reading it! My Goblin is rusty and it was always pretty bad. Haven't had many opportunities to practice since leaving home. I've never read an entire book written in it– it wasn't really an important language back at the temple except for dealing with the traders– so that'll make for an interesting read! And Goblin is a lot more melodic and multifaceted than I think most would give it credit for. It doesn't sound like it, but it's got a lot of tricksy fey-ish wordplay elements to it that usually get lost in translation, so I'm expecting the poetry to be a delight! 

I also found a cloak, along with the chain one i mentioned in an earlier entry. Bright pink, spiderweb pattern inlays and spider silk, the kind that Underdark drow would give to a woman when she came of age. It's perfect for Nym, so I'm hoping to keep it to give her someday! Stuff like this was usually frowned upon back at the temple, which makes a lot of sense given all of the… baggage, I guess, but I think Nym would really love it, and it would maybe help make up for the fact that I left during her initiation. I hope she's not mad… 

What else!? I'm trying to think of anything else happened of note. I can't think of anything right now so I'm going to go bother Goji with some questions. 

-Lance

* * *

##  Entry 15 - 4

Desert still sucks. My ancestors were fools for not moving away.

-Lance

* * *

##  Entry 15 - 5

Goji's gonna give us a free fortune reading! Sounds fun! 

I got a few new spells today! Skywrite and Alarm, and the ink for both of them plus the Augury spell we found. It's been a while since i learned a new ritual so I'm really excited about this!

-Lance!

* * *

##  Entry 15 - 6

We had our fortunes read.

Turns out this isn't an alternate dimension; we were erased from history. 

Sounds like every nightmare I had every night from ages 6 to 16! That's funny! I always just thought it was an expression of the deeply set insecurities that have shaped my entire psyche, but maybe i was just psychic all along!

I'm going to be honest… I don't want to think about this. I don't want to think about any of it at all, really. I just want to have fun and make jokes and go on adventures with my friends. I don't want to think about what this means. I don't want to think about scary snakes or how hopeless the prognosis is. I don't want to think about The Crown anymore or about Hush or home or about any of it. Golper says we're mercenaries and that felt like a dirty word before because I didn't feel like that's why i was doing any of this but I think i changed my mind and maybe that's what i want to be.

Or maybe i don't. I don't know. 

I wish I didn't burn my book. I wish I'd killed Zozell. I wish the intellect devourer got a bigger bite and I stayed that way. I wish this never happened. 

I wish i could go home… 

But i can't. So i don't want to think about it. 

-L

(If even you don't know my name, there's no point in reminding you)

* * *

##  Entry 15 - 7

Fiona hates me. She should. She's right.

Starloft sucks. 

Reaper sucks.

I'm really hungry. 

I wish i was drunk. 

I miss Kazaht. 

I don't have anything else to say. 

I thought writing in you was supposed to make me feel better. 

You're slacking. Please do better. 

-L


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like it's very important to note that at this time Lance learned how to levitate and started letting himself get dragged around on a rope like a warlock balloon.

## Entry 16-1

I slept off a bit of my funk. I'm not feeling better, but I think my emotions are bit more amenable today than they were last night. 

I’m sorry for being mean. 

I couldn’t sleep right away so I decided to try knitting something, but I didn’t have needles (not that I know how to use them anyway) and the daggers didn’t work, so I used my hands. I fell asleep wrapped up in yarn, but I managed to finish it a few minutes ago. I was aiming for a scarf for Quicksilver but I think it’s too small for him. I was thinking I was going to give it to Fiona as a gift, you know, try to show her that I do care about her, but I'm a little embarrassed and worried she might still be mad, so I'm going to wait on it. Maybe I'll just slip it in her backpack when she isn't looking. 

Anyway, a lot has happened, and I'm not sure how to proceed.

I apparently do not exist. It’s a little hard to take. When I was little I was always so scared that my family would forget about me someday. You know, once it finally hit me that I’m (at best) living to about 66, while everyone I knew was looking forward to their fifth century or so. I always felt like I wouldn't make a big enough impact on anyone for them to remember me a few years after my death. Wehloyn told me that wasn't what would happen and not to focus on that, and I tried to listen. Now, they probably really did forget me. Only I'm alive to see it happen, and I didn't have the time I thought I did to try and prevent it…

There's nothing left that ties me back home. I burned my prayer book, which would have been my proof. My vestments mean nothing. I don't look like them. Our points of reference probably won't match up. I still have the amulet of the Fiend but that's not proof enough that I belong. It's just proof of how much of a hard time I have throwing things away. And I don't belong, anyway. I broke my pact. If the Fiend remembers me, and it probably does, all that means is that I will be marked an enemy if I ever try to go home. 

I really can't go back now. At least before I had the option. Maybe. With a lot of grovelling and self-flagellation. But it was an option… one I honestly half-expected I would take. Now, I'm not sure what I have, you know?

Everything feels a little hollow now. Or a little raw, I guess. I’m not sure. It’s a lot. Joking about it was keeping the edge off, but I don’t know that I’m enough of an optimist to power my way through this. It doesn’t help that the only way to fix this seems to be the power of a God. If the Gods are aware of what’s been happening here, they sure don’t seem to care… Which tracks, I suppose, I'd just hoped that was something the Temple was wrong about. They weren't wrong about me, they weren't wrong about the gods. They probably weren't wrong about anything. ( I keep thinking that, too. About how I had an opportunity in my hands and I let it go, and all the good it amounted to)

But… I don't want to dwell on this. Maybe this Senphilt will help us. Maybe the gods will take pity. I'm going to put in an effort, at least for now, to be a little less miserable and a little more kind. 

Fake it till I make it! I'm good at that! :]

-L

PS: Not sure the fake can-do attitude can last for 2 weeks, so if we can't can-do into this meeting early I'm taking the train back to Tanzanite, finding the nicest library, and can-doing my way into the restricted section. And then I'm locking myself inside until the paperwork goes through. Everyone else can can-do as they wish without me.

* * *

  
  


## Entry 16-2

Quick update! 

Fiona's dad is alive!!! He's somewhere known as the Astral Void, where things all go when they've been erased. We were there, but we escaped, so maybe the others there could too! And in the meantime, they don't have to eat or drink, according to the old woman we met, which alleviates a few fears I hadn't wanted to voice. I don't know that the Astral Void ever came up in my own studies. If it did, I haven't really been in a place to really think about it. Maybe I'll do some research when we finally swing back to Tanzanite. 

Oh, if you're wondering how we got this information, we met an old woman in a shack out in the woods. She was really nice, even if she was a little gross and didn't have many teeth. She made us food. (I didn't eat any-- even though I'm starving!!) But she knows a bit about magic and lore, and I really appreciated her helping Fiona. Of everyone we've met so far in this new version of the world, she's a favorite. But I wish she had more teeth. 

I guess I can make this quick update into a full entry, while I'm floating here. (This levitation spell is going great!) 

See, we decided to look for the missing person, Onyx O'Hare. We're hoping to have our case expedited if we can manage to find the body. I suppose it sounds a little self-serving when I put it like that, but it is self-serving, and sometimes you need to look after yourself first instead of everyone else. I was always taught that and I am starting to understand. It's a bit like Annie's potion she gave me all those weeks ago: bitter and somewhat disgusting, but necessary. And besides that, no matter how selfish the motivation, this is a scenario where everyone can win! (Except for Onyx, the poor guy; he is definitely dead.)

In happier thoughts: We're out in the woods north of Starloft and it's gorgeous here! Little hard to see what I'm writing but this place is amazing! And my magic is back! I feel like myself again! A little! If I don't think about the whole erasure thing! 

Okay Lance stop thinking about it! Happy thoughts! 

Anyway! The forest is so dark, that whatever light does pass through looks like the stars in the night sky. It's amazing. Really the only bad thing about this area is its proximity to the anti-magic barrier. I wish I was better at poetry… I feel like you could write some great works about this place. Maybe I'll practice later. 

~~Nym would really love it here. Maybe when I go back home I'll tell her all about it and we'll make it an adventure toget~~

Right. 

Happy thoughts!

Today I saw 7 caterpillars, but none of them touched me. That's happy. I'm also a balloon now. That's neat. Found a cool doodle in the book i stole from the Reliquary. That's nice. 

Everything is fine and happy and nice. I'm going to go enjoy nature. Goodbye. 

-L

PS: Hey, you know what actually is happy, now that I'm thinking of it? If a lich can erase The Crown, I could one day theoretically erase other things. Like anti-magic barriers. And slime. I think that's my new go-to happy thought. The others just don't have the umph I seek.

* * *

## Entry 16-3

> ###  _[The following is written in the middle of the next page, centered, in much nicer-than-normal handwriting:_

A world where no one can stop me.

A world of my own making…

A world without 

Limits. 

A world without 

Slime.

-L

**Look! It's poetry! ^**

> ###  _[The "poetry" is circled and there's an arrow pointing at it, as if the reader might need help finding the poem on the page]_

* * *

## Entry 16-4

Quick update! 

Onyx is alive! That's good!

But Onyx is a devil! That's bad!

Onyx isn't evil though! That's good!

But he's an alcoholic! That's bad!

The reaper isn't real! That's good!

Onyx is being really stubborn about going home! That's bad!

But he's not hard to charm! That's good!

But he can't be cured by any means but by the most powerful magics achievable by mortals! That's bad!

But he has nice biceps and wings now! That's good!

But he's short! That's bad!

But we might have convinced him to go back home, maybe! That's good!

But he was transformed by the jellyfish that we made the decision to let loose upon the world! That's…

…not, as a matter of practicality, any more bad than the other things, really, but it makes me feel really bad! And that's bad!

-L 

* * *

## Entry 16-5

Quick update! 

I'm invited to a party in Wildspire! Should be fun! 

Only Arcade decided to start calling me "Dancy Lancey." 

I'm mortified! That's bad!

Floating very still,

-Lance 


	17. Chapter 17

# Entry 17

There's a lot to process, diary, so I'm afraid i don't have it in me to elaborate at any great depth.

Let's start with this, before it gets lost in the mix: we reunited Onyx with his sister Frelly, and I almost cried a little when they started hugging. (but don't tell anyone that!!!) I really expected her to take this much worse, but I guess I was underestimating how strong family bonds can be.  ~~ I wonder if Wehloyn would be that happy to see me, if they even remember me. Probably n ~~

Frelly helped us get in to see Senphilt, and she and Onyx accompanied us. Also there were Urza, Ba'Utu, Gemini, Neph, and of course Senphilt herself.

###  _[Written in the margins: *(I'm not sure if i told you about Gemini or Neph by name, by the way, but we can get into that another time.)_ _]_

We discussed some pretty heavy topics. I don’t think I’ve processed all of it yet, but… the gist is our world (a demiplane! How did I not know that!) is dying, and we need to gather up those artifacts, the rings, in order to save it. The rings are actually vestiges, which tracks, and they’re what we need to call upon Mokoma to help us and heal the land.

I don’t know how to feel about this! I have a lot of mixed feelings and I’m not sure how to sort them out. I’m definitely on board, don’t get me wrong. It should go without saying that I want to help. I’m just worried. I don’t really trust Senphilt, and I’m not convinced that Mokoma will even care, or that the only reason she’s not around and fixing this already is that she’s “lost.” How does that even happen to a God? If she’s powerful enough to fix this, shouldn’t she have been powerful enough to save herself? And if not, how am I supposed to come close to helping? And even if thats all true, how can I be sure that Senphilt is actually going to help?

On the one hand, I liked the things she said about Mokoma, that she would heal what’s happened, not reverse it. I expected reversal to be the one and only option, and I was trying not to think about what it would mean for the people of this version of the world. I’m glad that might not be a choice. And what Senphilt said about Mokoma loving all the life here, that… I don’t know why that hit me so hard. I hope it’s true. I don’t really believe it, but I hope it’s true.  ~~ It would be nice to know that at least someone cares after everything that’s happened. ~~ But I don’t believe it.

On the other hand, Senphilt seems… kind of scary. Manipulative, maybe. I should know. She said exactly what I needed to hear, at least. But then she said that she was to blame for what happened to Spirrus, but didn’t know what happened to him, and now she wants us to kill him. No alternatives were discussed. She says it was her fault because she sent Foxglove and Spirrus on their mission that went wrong, but here she is, sending us on the same kinds of missions, with no advice as to how we can avoid the same fate. If she truly made a mistake, why wouldn’t she try to avoid making another? Instead, she’s hiding away in Starloft behind the anti-magic field and security, and we’re being sent to Hubra.

By the way, I know this doesn’t really hold the same gravity as everything else, but I am NOT looking forward to going there!!! I grew up in the desert. I have literally never seen snow that wasn’t magical. And the last time I saw snow that WAS magical, it felt like the ice was cutting into my very soul. I know, logically, that I’m over that effect, but it wasn’t pleasant and I think I have a right to be a little miserable. I used to think snow would be so incredible from what I read about it, magical in that way that only nature can be, but now I’m just dreading it. 

But I’ll go, because I don’t want the world to die. Maybe if I didn’t have friends here I would be looking into a way off the demiplane instead. But I do have friends here. And even if they don’t remember me, and even if they would probably try to kill me if they did remember me, and even if we aren’t related by blood, my family is here too. And even if they would probably hate me for putting my lot in with these people and preventing what’s threatening to happen, I love them, and I want to save them. I just hope my efforts will matter.

Anyway! I have a lot to think about, and a lot of terrible stuff to look forward to, but in the meantime, I’m invited to a fey party and I’m gonna get so drunk I’ll forget my time on the  ~~ material plane ~~ demiplane, too!

It’s going to be great! 

-Lance


	18. Chapter 18

##  Entry 18-1

###  _ [The entry is full of sloppy scribbles, diagrams, pentagrams, and notes that mostly seem to consist of variations on the words “cool” and “sick” along with some other notes that are impossible to read. There are multiple stains on the page, each seeming to be a different flavor of cocktail or wine, aside from some bloody fingerprints and an ink spill a lizard seems to have run through. There is a drawing of a demon with a big smile, labeled “frend.” There is also what appears to be a drawing of a dwarf’s beard, labeled “hi fashen” _

###  _ There is an explanation of how to conduct a ritual or ceremony, written in deep speech, but the entire thing is incomprehensible gibblish besides a line that roughly translates to “aarakocra nuggets tasty tasty.”] _

* * *

##  Entry 18-2

I have a headache and a lot of regret.

-L

* * *

##  Entry 18-3

Maybe it’s the hangover or maybe I was actually asleep, but I think Golper won a poker match on the train to Hubra with the lich who destroyed the Crown’s boyfriend and won a cupcake recipe?

Huh.

-Lance

* * *

##  Entry 18-4

I HATE THE COLD SO MUCH.

-L


	19. Chapter 19

# Entry 19

###  _ Where entry 19 should be, there are quite a few torn pages from the journal, and an envelop sealed with wax. The seal is turquoise with a crude little running mink symbol on it. On the front the envelop reads: _

###  _ "ONLY READ IF I'M DEAD _

###  _ (I'M MEANING LANCE BY THE WAY)" _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll add the last chapter later


End file.
